As, as, as, as as...

I see a lot of “as” sentences when critiquing or editing.

Just like gerunds, as can be used, but it’s more like salt, a little sprinkle goes a long way.

The problem with as is that it often indicates a poorly constructed sentence, or a sentence that is out of order.

For instance: Mary whirled around as Tom stepped on her foot.

What really happened is that Tom stepped on her foot and Mary whirled around.

or Jane ducked as Tom poured a bucket of water over her head.

But what really happened is that Tom poured a bucket of water over Jane’s head and she ducked.

Sometimes as sentences aren’t out of order, but as is used to combine sentences that might be better on their own.

For instance: Jane pushed forward as the door opened.

In this case, both things happened at the same time. But, it might read better if worded differently. Perhaps, The door opened and Jane pushed forward.

About these ads